every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize