I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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