he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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