my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize