i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
