YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
