Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
