my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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