On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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