someone threw a dead crab at me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
