Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
