I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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