I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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