The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
