his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
