Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize