dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I checked into jail on foursquare
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
