Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
