that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
