did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
