Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize