I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
