I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
