please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
