Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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