she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
