You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
