you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
