My hand turned me down
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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