No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
