my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
