you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
