I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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