Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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