when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
