She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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