just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
