Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
