well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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