Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
