I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
