he thought i was a dude.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
