I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
