Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize