You can't motorboat a personality
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
