i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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