really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
