She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's always time for handjobs
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
