remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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