I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
