that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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