you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
