she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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