Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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