you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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