You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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