I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
