I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
