I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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