allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize