Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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