okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
