Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
