..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
