The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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