suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
