OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
