You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
