I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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